I am embarrassed to talk about this, but I’ve been vulnerable as fuck lately. The past two weeks of my life have felt completely shattered. Emotionally, I am hanging on by a thread. As a guy, it’s embarrassing when I cry, but I look at crying as a good thing because it gives you a chance to really understand the things that are happening around you, acknowledging them, working on the problem, and coming out as a stronger person in the end.
I’m not going to get into personal details to what has caused me to feel this way, that isn’t why I’m writing this. This morning after dropping the kids off at school, I got back into the Jeep and turned up the music a little louder. “Gone” came on and I immediately began to cry as the beginning of the song took over..
“it was a cloudy night,
Or so it looked to me.
I felt so lost,
I couldn’t say why.
I needed strength to change my mind,
But these ghosts stick to me like glue.
Hating life, believing I was no good”
That spoke to me in ways you wouldn’t understand.
I had waterfalls pouring down my cheeks, and the person sitting in the car next to me and saw me crying. It was fucking embarrassing. When the light turned green and I started to move, my face was red and wet, and getting even wetter. But then Pete’s guitar and Greg’s voice got louder, then the verse came in and hit me like a bolt of lightening just impaled my heart…
“It was a darkness all my own,
A song played on the radio, it went straight to my heart,
I carried it with me until that darkness was gone..”
As soon as I started to feel the message this song was desperately trying to show me, I shot up faster than Frankenstein’s monster. I felt alive. I was still crying but then out of nowhere I just started to laugh hysterically like a maniac. I was laughing like the joker. I don’t know why that was, but it felt absolutely fucking magnificent. When I started to come back down, by the end of the song I had a peaceful smile on my face.
Isn’t it amazing how just one song can change your perspective of what heartbreak feels like? The feeling may never go away, but if you can find just one song that speaks directly to you, and the struggles you are facing, there is a sense of beauty on the other side of that dark tunnel you’re trying to crawl through. It gives you a chance to be authentic as fuck with yourself, and the world.
Keep on rockin’ in the free world.